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I was thinking about writing this for a while, and came up with about a million possible titles:  “I’m in love!”, “Runner’s high, runner’s doubt, runner’s high again”, “Imagine the awesomeness”.  And that’s just to  name a few.  Why was I thinking so long about a title and not just writing the damn blog, you ask?  Well, because I was running!!!

Those of you who read my last blog (don’t feel bad if you didn’t) know that I did the first workout of the “Couch to5K” program today.  You also know that in that short 30 minutes, I rediscovered my love of running.  I was really amped up to do the 2nd workout today, but had to work and grocery shop and feed my child and that sort of thing.  Eventually I got to it, and decided to do the workout plus another 1/2 of the workout.  Then I started it.  And decided to just go ahead and double it.  And added some extra, longer intervals to it.  I got a little discouraged before the longer intervals, which I threw right smack dab in the middle of the 2 sets, but then I told myself “I can do this”.  And I did.

I felt good after I did the longer intervals, and did some math in my head and decided that I wanted to tack on some extra running at the end so that I would have an full 25 minutes of running at the end of the 65 minute cycle.  That meant that I would have to run for 4 minutes straight at the end, before a cool down walk.  I was a little nervous, started thinking I couldn’t do it, and then I told myself to shut up again.  That last four minutes of running was killer, I had to tell myself not to look at the clock until the timer went off, and kept telling myself to push, push, push.  I didn’t know if I would make it, but I just visualized myself months from now, running a 10K, and boy, when that timer beeped, I felt awesome!  I actually raised my hands in the air and gave a little whoop of joy because it felt damn good to do that.  I know some of you may think that’s dumb since I only ran 4 minutes, but I never in my life dreamed that I could keep all 219 lbs of me jogging for that long.  I AM PROUD OF ME!

Somewhere during the run, I also decided that I’m going to invest in a pair of nice running shoes.  Not right now, because I can’t afford it, but that is going to be my gift to myself when I reach onederland.

Also, somehow I only ended up eating like 1400 calories today, which is insanely low for me, that is actually in the range for my weight if I was sedentary.  Usually I eat much more than that (hence my slow weight loss lately).  I’m not even really hungry.

Anyway, I have to go pick up the hubby from work now, but I just wanted to share my excitement, it was too much for me to contain.  Have a great night all!

I don’t even remember what I was surfing around for on the internet earlier, and I discovered that there is going to be a 10k run right here in Chicago in May.  For whatever reason, I thought that this might be something I would like to participate in.  I don’t know what twist of fate brought me to that particular page at that particular moment in time, or what crazy alignment of the planets made that moment happen, but it did.  And I am excited about it!

I used to run track, many many years ago when I was still in middle school.  I actually loved it, really loved just getting out there and running, even if it was just in circles.  Then I let my early teen angst get the best of me and I stopped running.  I never really got back into it because (insert any one of my overused excuses here), but I never forgot how good I felt when I was running.

I actually did attempt to start running again a few months ago, but it just didn’t happen.  I was way too embarrassed to run on the streets because of my size, and I have limited time when I’m able to get away without my son, so I didn’t pursue it.  But today, I saw this 10k, and then I looked up the “couch to 5k” program, and I actually did it.  I did the first workout.  Basically, it’s a 5 minute walk to warm up, then 8 cycles of 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking.  I actually didn’t think it was too bad, and I even tacked on some extra jogging to see how long I could go for (3 minutes, and I’m proud of it!).  It did feel good to be running again, even if it was in extremely short bursts.  You’re supposed to do 3 days (1 week) like that, though I’ll probably  do a total of 5 days like that to line it up with my work week.  I really feel like I can do this.  Now, whether I will actually participate in the 10k or not is another story, but it’s something to think about.  There are actually some other runners in my family, so I might even be able to buddy up with someone to do it.  Anyway, I’m just super excited that I finally ran, and I wanted to share with all of you who inspire me to do things outside of my comfort zone and push myself where I normally wouldn’t.  Thank you to all of my wonderful buddies for all that you do!

Now, I’m going to watch The Princess Bride and do crunches while I watch (at least until the husband gets home).  Have a great night all!

Okay, I confessed the other day to my confusion over how many calories I was supposed to be eating, and I got some great responses from people (thanks everyone!).  I have been keeping track of my calories since Monday now, and I have to tell you, it’s sad.  I always thought I was doing so good, and I am not!  I won’t give you any numbers, but even adding in exercise, I’ve been eating a LOT of calories.  Now I understand why I was maintaining all those weeks, even when I was exercising a lot.

I know that my biggest challenge with the calories comes from eating processed foods.  I am not a cook, I don’t even really like to cook, and so I use that as an excuse to either eat pre-packaged foods or get carry out.  So bad!  It is amazing how quick the calories in that kind of stuff add up.  I’m kind of at a loss as to how to change this though.  How do I make myself like to prepare food and cook it and (worst of all) clean up afterwards?  I guess these are just more habits that I have to change.

Anyway, it was really depressing to see how many calories I can still pack away without even thinking about it.  I guess I need to start looking up some recipes now.  Have a great night, all!

I’m really embarrassed to admit this, but after all my time here and even after losing 30 lbs, I really don’t understand how many calories I’m supposed to be eating every day.  I kind of get confused when you throw in the “lifestyle” calories burned, it seems to me that some people don’t take those into account at all when figuring their calories, so I don’t know if I’m supposed to.  I know I’m supposed to create a deficit between the calories eaten and calories burned, but then I see people who eat a certain number of calories every day, despite how much exercise they’ve done for the day.  I think that’s one of my biggest issues with logging my calories.  I would do it, but I don’t know if I’m doing it right and so then the time I spend doing it feels wasted.  I would like to keep track so I stop shoving it in mindlessly, but I would also like to understand the calorie portion of it so it doesn’t just seem like I’m making a list of what I ate.  I would appreciate any help you guys can give me on this one.

Okay, now here are my December goals:

1)  Exercise at least 5x a week, for at least 30 minutes every time.

2)  Only weigh myself 2x a week, max.  I think I use the scale as more of an indicator and adjust my eating accordingly, but I think I’d do better if I didn’t have that daily indicator and had to just be diligent about what I eat.

3)  Limit the intake of salty foods.  I’m currently not eating sweets or drinking pop, and I find myself eating more salty stuff than I usually do.  I read a comment on someone’s blog that you should just have a small serving of what you want, like a bathroom sized cup full, and then be done.  This is what I will do with salty snacks.

4)  Rock my Christmas pants!  :)  I have a pair of pants that I have been using for motivation, and I would like to wear them for Christmas Eve or Christmas day.  When I first started, they wouldn’t even close over my gut.  Then they would close but I couldn’t breathe, then I could breathe but they still looked like sausage casings, now they’re starting to look better, but they’re still not good enough.  I intend for them to look awesome, and I will post a pic for you guys.

5)  Lose 10 lbs.  That would put me at 212 at the end of the month, and would put me in good shape for getting to 200 by my 30th birthday.

I think these goals are definitely doable if I just stay on track.  I will stay on track.  I hate the way I feel when I don’t, so I need to make sure I’m kicking my own ass if I do get off track.  I’ve let myself make excuses the past 5 days, and I’m seeing how all aspects of my life suffer, not just the weight loss.  Now, time to get my butt in gear and take the first step toward reaching my goals.  Have a great day all!

I guess I’m just having one of those days.  I think I’m over tired, didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night.  Work kind of annoyed me, nothing bad but I asked to get out early, my boss said okay, and I ended up leaving early…by a whole 8 minutes.  Thanks for the generosity!  Of course, he leaves several hours early, and he doesn’t have to work tomorrow, but I got my 8 minutes so I should be happy.

I got home from work and had about 5 minutes to catch up with my husband before he went to work.  I asked him the basics, like how was the little dude today, when did he last eat, did anyone call.  Standard responses, he was good today, ate like an hour ago, no one called.  Okay, he leaves, I get something quick to eat, and then try to put the little dude down for a nap and take one myself.  I REALLY needed it.  Well, he wanted nothing to do with a nap.  At this point, I’m so tired I can barely function.  I would fall asleep for about 5 minutes and then the little man would wake me up or the phone would start ringing…I kind of lost it and got really upset for a little bit.  I got up and the phone calls were all bill collectors, so I get pissed because the husband won’t get a real job where we can afford to pay all of our bills.  If he would get a real job, then we could actually afford daycare and maybe work normal hours and be home together and then we could get the little guy on a normal sleep schedule and I wouldn’t be so tired…I was not in a happy place.  To top it all off, I looked farther back in the caller ID, and two of the “no ones” that called this morning while I was at work were my aunt and my best friend.  Yeah, that’s no one.

Anyway, I get upset and of course, short tempered.  Then I feel like my little man suffers, especially after spending all day with dad, who I think just plants him in front of the TV most of the morning so he can do his own thing.  When I get home, he just wants attention but I need time to cool down and unwind.  I wish I could figure out a way to just switch off all the crap from the day and be a good mom, I don’t want my son to suffer or be unhappy because I have frustrations.  Everyone has frustrations, I have to learn to deal with mine.

I know I make my husband out to seem like a horrible person too, which he really isn’t.  I just want more from him, but I want him to want to do more, be more, and I’m afraid he’ll never get there!  I get frustrated with the little stuff because it’s the same little stuff I’ve been dealing with for years, and it never changes.  Why can’t life just be perfect?

Well, enough time sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself.  I’m going to workout, make dinner, bathe the little man, find all of us clothes for Thanksgiving, and then I have to get some sleep before work in the morning.  Thanks for reading this, I’m not looking for any magical answers, just some friendly ears (well, eyes I guess).  Hope you all have a great night.

I’m just annoyed, so I thought I would blog it out.  We live in a building with 3 apartments and there is a shared, coin-operated washer and dryer in the basement.  When we first moved in, we had different neighbors upstairs.  There was also a laundry schedule posted in the basement:  one apartment had Monday/Tuesday to do laundry, one had Wednesday/Thursday, one had Friday/Saturday and Sunday was free.  After a while, that schedule came down (it was really inconvenient seeing as how my husband and I both worked on our scheduled laundry days), but there weren’t really any issues with the laundry.  Sometimes the lady downstairs would leave her stuff in the washer for days on end, but someone always put it in a basket so everyone else could use the machines.  Our old upstairs neighbors moved out (THANK GOD!) and we have new neighbors now (these guys lived in our apartment before we moved in).  Now, there is always laundry sitting in the washer or dryer when we go to use it.  My husband and I both wear uniforms for work, we only have 2 each, so we have to do laundry every couple of days.  I actually rarely do laundry anymore (I let my husband do it) because I don’t feel right about touching other people’s stuff to take it out of the washer so that I can use it.  I write this now because that’s exactly what I had to do so I could wash my clothes for work tonight.  I just think that when you have shared facilities like that, you should be considerate of others and take care of your stuff in a timely manner.   Our stuff never sits for more than an hour, and definitely not overnight or even for days!  I’m not going to post a schedule because I don’t like the way that works, and I don’t want to bring it up to the neighbors because I’m sure they have issues with things we do (loud toddler with a weird sleep schedule).  In the long run, it’s not overly important, I’ll live if nothing ever changes with it, I just wonder why people can’t be naturally considerate of others.  Anyway, that’s my little rant.

Hi all!  I just started a new challenge in the weight loss forum.  It’s called “Who can stay strongest the longest”.  Stop by and check it out!

I’m taking the night off.  I was planning on taking either Sunday or Tuesday off, but it’s going to be today.  I worked this morning on too little sleep, came home hoping to take a nice nap but instead had to deal with a toddler meltdown of epic proportions, and now the night is slipping away quickly.  We still need to eat dinner, a certain little man needs a bath, husband still has to be picked up at work.  Not to mention the fact that I just feel exhausted.  I don’t know why I feel the need to justify taking the day off.  I guess that’s a good thing, otherwise I would probably take a lot more!  I probably wouldn’t even take the day off if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to work early tomorrow, so I can’t work out as late.  Sometimes it sucks being a night person with a mostly day job.  Anyway, that’s what I wanted to say.  I’m taking the day off today. 

Would anyone be interested in participating in a kind of personal goal duration challenge?  My basic idea is to set a goal, something you’re having a tough time sticking to, and competing against others to see who can stick to their goal for the longest without cheating.  It wouldn’t be anything real time consuming, just check in periodically to say if you’re still in, see how people are doing, maybe talk about your struggles and ways you’re dealing with sticking to that particular goal.  I know that the competition factor and extra accountability of the challenges really helps me out, and I thought this might be helpful to some of you out there (and me!).  I’ll start it up if there’s enough interest, so just let me know what you think.  Oh, and it’s kind of a rough idea still, so I’d be open to suggestions from those who are interested!

Every now and again (increasingly more often though) I like to get some of my smaller clothes out and try them on to see how they fit.  Three and a half months ago, I couldn’t button or zip any of this stuff.  Some of it wouldn’t even fit over the body parts it was supposed to!  So today, I pulled it all out again and just checked to see how it fit.

First up was a nice black dress I bought years ago but never wore.  When I first got it, it fit perfectly.  Last time I tried it on (just a few months ago) I couldn’t even get it zipped all the way.  The parts I could zip it over looked like they were stuffed into a black sausage casing.  Not real pretty.  Today, it zipped all the way, and looked so much better than a few months ago.  I still wouldn’t wear it in public, but there were so many less tight spots, and they weren’t nearly as tight as last time!

Next up were my Christmas pants.  I call them that because I would like to wear them for Christmas and have them look good.  They wouldn’t button or zip when I first started out here, and now not only do they button and zip, but I would actually consider wearing them out in public in a pinch.  They’re still a little more snug around the thighs than I’m comfortable with, but they’re just hugging my thighs rather than being stretched taut around them!

Last up was a pair of jeans that I’ve put on a few times but always figured they were too tight to wear in public.  They’re looking so much better that I’m going to stop wearing my old jeans (which are practically falling off) and start wearing these.  They’re still a tad tight, but I figure that will keep me motivated.  Once these get loose, I will actually have to buy new jeans!

When I started out here in the end of July, I never dreamed that I would lose all this weight.  I was wearing a size 20plus (so about a 22) and those were very tight on me.  Everything that I tried on today was a size 18, and that’s what I’m going to stick with from now on.  The bigger pants are getting put away (maybe thrown out if I can bring myself to do it) and I’m not going back to them again.  Woohoo!