ar2

Thanks to all of you who took the time to read my last blog, despite it’s insane length.  It’s good to spend some time reflecting on the past, and to see what brought you to where you are in the first place.  Great assignment, Michelle!

Now, I get to do the second part of my assignment.  My question for today is:

3- What am I doing now that I can change to bring me closer to my goals and make me healthier both emotionally and physically?

This one is probably a little harder than the last one, not because I don’t know the answer (I do know it), but because it means that I have to admit where I’ve been coming up short and really face the music about the effect that it’s having on my weight loss.  I guess it wouldn’t be so hard if I wasn’t already in a down mood, but I have to deal with it regardless, so now is as good a time as any.

I know I have done some stuff right so far.  I’ve lost 31 lbs since I joined here on July 31st.  I have definitely made exercise a part of my life now, which I really didn’t think was possible before.  I have even started running, something I never expected to be able to do again since I had previously failed at picking it up again when I was much smaller than I am now.  I actually feel awful when I skip planned workouts, like I’m letting myself down.  I never expected that to be the easiest part of my journey, but it has been.

The part that I struggle with is the eating.  Emotional eating has always been a big issue with me, and even though I feel more in control of my emotions than I did 4 months ago, I know this is something I struggle with.  Another thing I tend to do is eat when I am tired.  And I always feel tired.  I know that I never get enough sleep, but there’s a variety of reasons for that, and unfortunately these are not things I can change on my own.  I know that I turn to food though when in reality all I need is a nap or a good nights sleep.  Perhaps that wouldn’t be such a damaging thing if I would just make better food choices.

My eating has actually changed a lot since I started here, but I know it is not enough.  I eat much less fast food than I used to, but I still eat it.  I eat smaller portions that I did before, but they’re still bigger than they need to be.  I definitely eat more fruits and vegetables, but I still eat a lot of calorie laden sodium filled pre-packaged processed foods too.  This is where I need to make some changes.

What can I do to change this?  First of all, I need to stop with the fast food.  Altogether.  I actually did pretty good with this at the beginning, but then I allowed myself some leeway because I was doing good.  I need to just say no to meals that can easily be 1000+ calories.  I need to get my portion sizes in check, by actually measuring foods instead of just eyeballing them.  And I need to give my son his own portions, rather than figuring he’s going to eat so much (from the same dish as me) so I’m actually only eating X amount of calories.  I need to cut down on my pre-packaged foods.  I’ve realized that cooking doesn’t need to be really difficult or time consuming, so I just need to work on doing more cooking at home.  This will be better for everyone, not just me.  Oh, and cheaper too!

I know I can do this stuff.  The problem is, I know it’s going mean that I’m going to suffer a little.  I’m not going to be able to have everything I want.  I’m going to actually have to work for it.  And in a way I guess I’m afraid of failing too.  I guess I think if I never try at all, that’s better than trying and not being able to do it.  I’ve let that mentality stop me with a lot of stuff, and it’s time to eradicate it.  I know what I need to do, and it’s time to just do it.  Now.