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Hi all.  I finally hit my mini-goal this past week, and I got my hair cut as a “prize”.  Here’s a picture of it, I had to take it myself.

I just realized the other day that I’m about 2 lbs away from being at my pre-pregnancy weight.  Now, I was a big girl before I got pregnant with my son, but it still seems like an accomplishment to me.  Hopefully I’ll be able to hit that mark tomorrow.

So excited!  I just reached my first mini-goal!  Finally!  I have lost a total of 25 lbs now.  I never would have thought it was possible!  Thanks to all my buddies for all your help and support and, of course, inspiration!  I could not have done it without you!

Yes, I admit it.  I am totally addicted to my scale.  Not a day goes by that I don’t step on it in hopes of seeing it read 145.  Sometimes I check the scale 2 or 3 times a day!  I know I shouldn’t do this, I know it should only be like once a week, but I can’t help myself.  I walk into the kitchen, and I hear it calling my name.  “C’mon, step on me.  You know you want to.  I promise I’ll be gentle.”  So I walk up to it, feeling all tingly with anticipation of the wonderful numbers it can show me, and I step on, and…miniscule changes, if any.  I step off and walk away, feeling dirty and ashamed, and I hear it chuckling in the background “Oh, you’ll be back.”  And I will!!!

This all had a point based in reality, I was just having some fun with the first part so I went with it.  I do weigh myself at least once a day, and usually I don’t see much of a change from day to day, but today I stepped on to see I had lost 2 lbs since yesterday.  Normally, this wouldn’t be a subject for a blog, but I change my ticker on either Saturday or Sunday, and today’s weight would put me right at my mini-goal.  Why couldn’t I weigh this yesterday???  Why is the world so unjust?  And how did it go down when I’ve eaten nothing but crap for the past 3 days?  I’m talking cookies, pop, salty stuff, and I just want more!  So why is it saying that number?  Why is it mocking me?  Argh, such aggrivation.  All I can do is hope that number stays there til Saturday, oh yeah, and work at it!  Have a great week, all!

I’ve been really good this week, eating within a reasonable calorie range, exercising, not eating late, drinking lots of water, avoiding pop, etc.  I felt pretty good about the fact that I should show a loss both on the scale and measurement-wise, so I decided to check in last night and see where I was.  Somehow, the results of my hard work and diligence were a little underwhelming.  I was upset, hoping that I would have some awesome changes to show this week.  I tried not to let it bother me, told myself I still had a day and a half left before my first group weigh in, and I made myself a good, healthy dinner.  And I ate every bite.  And I still wanted more.  Much more.  I was soooo hungry for the rest of the night!  All I wanted to do was eat, eat, eat, and nothing was satisfying my hunger.  I found myself reaching my calorie limit by scarfing down goldfish crackers, which I don’t even like!  Luckily, 9 pm rolled around, so I stopped eating because that is my goal for one of my challenges.  My husband comes home from work at 10:30 with all sorts of yummy food, which I wanted so bad, but wasn’t about to touch.  I didn’t give in, yay for me, but I did realize that I wanted to eat so much because I was upset about not having better results this week.  WHAT???  How stupid is that?  I haven’t lost more weight/ inches so I’ll stuff myself silly to make myself feel better?  How do I get past this?  It took me quite a while to realize that that is why I was so “hungry.”  Even after almost 3 months of changing my habits, I still can’t control my emotional eating!  Does this reaction to disappointment, stress, whatever, ever really go away?  How do you cope with it?  And is it just me, or does everyone feel it as a physical need to eat?  Even once I acknowledge the why part of it, it doesn’t make it any easier.  I would love to hear what you all have to say on this.  Oh, and thank God there’s no chocolate in the house!!!

I’m so tired but every time I lay down to sleep, my mind starts running and I imagine possible scenarios for how tomorrow is going to play out at work.  For those who don’t know, I’m currently on the verge of losing my job because I don’t have acceptable child care for my son at certain times.  I have been with this company for 5 years, I am a former manager (I stepped down when my son was born so I could play an active role in his life and upbringing), and I am totally getting screwed.  I have opened my schedule up as completely as I can for my boss, but he refuses to work with me.  Now, he bends (and breaks) the rules for himself, but he won’t do it for me.  I have made concessions for good employees before, and I’ve had other bosses do it for me because I am a good employee, but this guy is all about the power trip and now we’re at the breaking point.  Anyway, tomorrow is pretty much it.  He scheduled me more days I can’t work, and if I don’t show up for them, I get canned.  So tomorrow I have to try to convince him to work with me on this, but considering he is a lying, manipulative, egomaniacal prick, I don’t think there’s going to be any resolution.   I really hate that I’m in this position because I chose to work less and be there for my son.   I don’t think that I should be punished because I want to make sure my son is raised right.   It’s ridiculous!  Anyway, that’s what my deal is.  I know I’ve said it before, but I was hoping that blogging about it will at least clear out my head so I can sleep.  If nothing else, tomorrow at least means an end to this, one way or another.

I’ve been thinking about blogging today, but didn’t really know what to say.  I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and blah, and I didn’t quite know what to do about it.  I worked out today, and hard.  I ate as well as I could with what I have in the house (which is almost nothing).  I played with my son and spent some time on the computer, but nothing really awesome.  On the plus side, my assistant manager called from work today to see how I was doing and tell me he thinks I’m a great employee, that the store needs me, and that he thinks that employers should make sacrifices to keep employees like me.  I thought that was really nice, and I definitely needed that boost, but he’s not the one making decisions at work, so it does nothing to save my job.  I’m trying not to let this whole situation affect me, but my career has been my identity for so long, I don’t know how to deal with everything going down the tubes.  I’m also not used to having this much free time, so I’m getting a little stir crazy.  I don’t really have any friends in the area, and my family isn’t really close to me either, so I just feel alone.  Anyway, I just wanted to let it out.  Now I think we’ll go for a walk.

Hi all.  I uploaded some new pics on my profile, some during pics to compare to my before pics.  I would love some opinions on them, progress wise.  I feel like I’m seeing physical differences, but I’m not sure if I’m just seeing what I want to see, so I’d love some input from unbiased parties.  :)  Keep in mind, these are not glamour shots!  I know the one pic is blurry, but my camera would not cooperate.  Thanks for your help!

I have been really off track the past couple of days, and I’m not quite sure why.  I’ve been hitting the bottle again (the Pepsi bottle, that is).  I’ve been eating things like pizza and chocolate, and not in moderation either.  I don’t know why I keep on doing this, my stomach feels awful, and I just feel kind of blah overall.  I’m not going to let it keep me down though.  All of the chocolate is out of the house, and I won’t buy anymore.  There’s no pop around that I like, and I won’t buy any of that either.  I went for a walk with my son tonight and lived up to the challenge posted in one of my groups, and I’m going to make sure to keep busy tomorrow with something other than eating!  Hopefully my little fall will not hurt me too badly for this weeks weigh ins.  Wish me luck!

Hi all!  I took my measurements today so I can have another indicator of how my weight loss is going.  It was a little depressing, especially since I’ve already lost 23 lbs, I guess I wanted those measurements to be smaller!  I had originally intended to post them, but then decided against it because I’m embarrased by it.  Maybe I will post them as I start to lose, but I’m not prepared to today.  Anyway, I have a question for those of you who have also use your measurements as a gauge.  How often do you check your measurements?  Do you do it weekly with your weigh ins, bi-weekly, monthly, or do you only use them when you’ve hit a plateau on the scale?  I did write down “landmarks” so I’m sure to measure the same spot each time so I don’t get false results.  Thanks for your help on this one!  Have a great day!