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Hi all!  I am officially on vacation for the rest of the week, and it is much needed.  I am going to enjoy the hell out of this week, and try not to dwell on the situation waiting for me when I go back to work.  Today was a good day, other than getting up way too early.  We went to visit my husband’s grandparents, and it was a really nicce day.  My son got to run and play and, of course, get endlessly praised and spoiled rotten by Nana and Papa.  I don’t feel like I’ve had much family time lately since my husband and I work opposite schedules and never have a day off together, so it was pretty awesome.  It’s been a nice night since we got back too, I got 2 workouts in while my husband and son were napping, and now we’re just relaxing.  Tuesday we’ll have another family day, and then Wednesday my son and I head to Michigan for a few days to visit my best friend.  I’m really excited about that, I can’t wait to see what my son does in all that natural beauty, but I’m guessing he’ll be sleeping pretty good while we’re there.  Hope everyone else has a great week in store for them.  Time for me to do some laundry! 

I know my blogs are a lot of complaining, but it really helps me to vent, so please bear with me.  I have a job that I hate, but I work it because I get paid relatively well and I have insurance for my son.  Since my boss started with us in January, there have been continued issues with my availability.  I’ve made every concession I possibly can to make my schedule as open as possible, and it’s still not good enough for my boss.  Now, just so you all know, the times I am not available are the times that my husband is working, so I can be at home with our son.  We had some issues with babysitters, every time my son would go to the baby sitter he would have night terrors that same night.  We decided that it wasn’t worth our son’s health, and now he’s with one of us when the other is working.  We get what help we can from the family, but it’s not much because everyone who is close has full time jobs and kids and it just doesn’t work out.  As far as my boss goes, he keeps scheduling me when I can’t work, and then telling me it’s unacceptable that I can’t be there.  He is now documenting everything, and I’m sure he’s going to schedule me almost solely when I can’t be there, because that’s just how he is.  Now, here’s the silly part:  he happily works around school and other job schedules for other people, but won’t work around my child.  And these are people who get written up for poor job performance and other stuff, which I never do.  I’m pretty sure he’s got issues with women, being that I’m the only one there.  Anyway, talking with him doesn’t work, and HR doesn’t care because they always side with the managers, and mine happens to be a liar and manipulator.  I’m trying not to let myself get upset about this, but I’m not really keen on losing my job.    I’ve gone out of my way to cover shifts that I can’t work, to the extent that I’ve now alienated my mother-in-law, who was my only real resource.  I’m afraid that he’s just going to screw with me for weeks rather than going ahead and firing me, and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that.  I just don’t know how to deal with lying, self-serving manipulators.  I don’t treat people like that, it’s not in my nature, and I can’t understand why anyone would want to be like that.  All I can do is take comfort in the fact that his awful karma will one day come back to him.  Now that I’ve blogged it out, I’m going to take my son to the park.  Have a great day, all!

I have been eating so much the past two days.  I just don’t feel full, and I have just been eating all the time, or at least it feels like it.  I actually wasn’t loggin my calories because I didn’t actually want to see what I had eaten.  Well, today I just bit the bullet and logged what I had eaten yesterday and today, and I was so shocked with what I saw.  Yesterday I went over by 4 calories, (yep, that’s every bite I had) and today I’m still about 400 short of what I’m allowing myself daily.  I was totally floored, but also totally excited because I think that it shows that my eating habits are really changing.  Anyway, I was really happy for me. 

Hi all.  I’ve read that more than a few people on here are using the Sacred Heart Diet, and I was wondering about it.  I just read the soup recipe and some basic info, but I was wondering if it was actually safe?  Do you gain all that weight back after you start eating real food again?  I was just curious about it and figured that I could get some info about it from people who have tried it.

Today would have been my dad’s 61st birthday.  Though he’s been gone 20 years now, I still have a hard time when his birthday rolls around.  I don’t know if it’s just because I miss him, or because of all the years he missed out on, but it still hurts that he’s not here.  I think maybe that’s a big part of the reason why I would like to get myself back to a healthy weight-  I know how much it sucks to not have your parent there for birthdays, graduations, weddings, births, and just everyday.  I don’t want my son to have to go through that.   I want to make sure that I can be there for him for every occasion and non-occasion, and for his kids too.  I think I needed to remind myself of that, so I’m glad I took some time to put my thoughts out there even if it is kind of a downer.  I want to make sure that I’m celebrating for many more birthdays, and not just being remembered.

I’ve been debating blogging about this because I’m really embarrassed about the whole situation, but I really need to get it off my chest, so I just bit the bullet and started to write.  We’ve been having a difficult time money-wise lately.  When we moved into this apartment, my husband had a different job, so our bills did not seem so bad, we thought we could handle everything and be okay.  The job he was working though turned out to be costing us more than he was making, not to mention crappy hours and other issues, so he started working for one of his old employers and we still thought we’d be okay.  We had made some changes to cut out some of our expenses and we were okay for a while.  Then my boss started playing games with me, he was cutting my hours and scheduling me on days I couldn’t possibly work because of my son, so I was losing 8-16 hours a week for a couple weeks.  With the loss of that income, we started to get behind in bills, and things started to pile up.  We would pay what we had to pay and leave the others because we couldn’t catch up.  Finally, my boss stopped screwing with me so much, but at that point we were pretty far behind.  We still can’t catch up with stuff, and it makes it really stressful.  We’re behind on rent and at least a month behind on all utilities.  We actually had almost no food in our house just recently, just some mystery cans and a few basics for my son, but thats it.  Wednesday my husband got paid again, so I was planning on going grocery shopping to stock up.  I was tired after work so I just got some basics and figured we’d go as a family on Thursday morning.  I got home from work Wednesday night though and our internet/phone were off.  We called to get that turned back on, used some of the money that would have gone to groceries for that.  I refuse to be without a phone becuase I have a very active toddler in the house and I’m usually without a car, so I want to make sure I can get help for him if there’s any sort of emergency.  Well, we got that taken care of, and then Thursday morning, the power goes out.  We thought we blew a fuse, until my husband saw the ComEd guy at the power box.  Long story short, they turned off our electric.  We used my upcoming paycheck to pay that off, but it ate up everything we had.  They actually got the power back on the same day, but I was a little stressed because we don’t have much food in the house, almost out of diapers, no  laundry detergent, and we don’t get another paycheck until this coming Wednesday.  As if that isn’t bad enough, they turned off our gas too.  We had a huge gas bill that we haven’t been paying, and I just took a loan from my 401k to pay it off so we wouldn’t be without during the impending winter, but I’m still waiting for that check to come (won’t be here for like 2 weeks), but I figured if they haven’t turned us off for this many months, they can wait till October.  I was wrong.  Now we have no way to cook and no hot water.  And we can’t get our gas turned back on until we pay $1200, which will take us about 2-3 weeks to save from our paychecks, even if we didn’t have to spend money on gas, diapers, and milk for the little guy.  I feel really embarrassed about this whole situation, the fact that we can’t pay our bills.  I’m frustrated too because I feel like I’m failing my son.  I don’t know what to do.  I can’t see any way to get out of this hole we’re in and I hate it.  My husband and I both work hourly jobs, but we both get paid above minimum wage.  I can’t even understand how people who work minumum wage jobs can make it.  It’s insane.  The only good thing that’s come from this is that my husband actually admits that we have to find a different apartment, this one is just too expensive.  We’ll probably be looking at 1 bedroom though, so that sucks, but if it saves money, I’ll do it.  We might as well do it now, while my son is still little, rather than when he’s older and needs more space.  I really hate this whole situation.  Anyway, that’s what I’ve been dealing with.  I want to drown my sorrows in food, but luckily I don’t have any here.  :)  There’s other things I’m dealing with too, but this has been what’s bothering me the most, so I really needed to just put it out there, rather than stewing in it.  Please don’t judge to harshly, I try my best and work my butt off but I just can’t seem to get things right.

Well, first of all, I can’t believe summer is over already!  Do you remember when you were little and the summer days used to last FOREVER?  Now each day flies by, and it’s gone before I even know it!

My summer kind of started off on a sour note.  My sister and her family moved to Ireland abruptly, which really sucked because she and I have really gotten close since our sons were born.  I hated seeing my sister going through a tough time, and my nephew too.  Even though she is still over there at the moment, things have all pretty much worked out, she’s doing good, my nephew loves it over there, and my newest nephew has made his arrival into this world in good health!

My husband, my son, and I got to spend some time together on vacation in July.  First, we went up north for a few days with my husbands family.  We found out that my son is not a fan of large bodies of water, and neither is my digital camera.  Then we went south to visit my parents.  I really enjoyed that part of the trip, not only being with my parents, but watching them get a chance to bond with my son.  Since they live so far away, we don’t get to see each other too often, so it was nice to get some time with them.  I still giggle when I think about the day my mom took us out and introduced my son to half the town.

August really just flew by.  I really made some good progress here on buddyslim.  I feel like I worked a lot during August, and spent most of my time waiting to hear about the arrival of my new nephew, and then all of a sudden the month was gone.

Now September is here, and I think things are looking pretty good.  Though there doesn’t seem to be an end to my financial woes, I feel a little more in control that what I have been feeling.  I feel that this whole weight loss thing is definitely doable, and thanks to someone on buddyslim, I may have found a way to go back to school.  I’m trying to explore some of the other areas where I am having a hard time, and trying to see where I can actively change them instead of sitting around and whining and waiting for someone else to take the lead.  All in all, it feels good to be the master of my own destiny once again.

I’m looking forward to fall, which just so happens to be my favorite season.  Now that the weather will be milder, I want to get my son outside more and give him a better outlet for all of his energy.  I’m really excited about the trails that we found in the forest preserve, I can’t wait to explore those as the trees start to change color.  We’re going to be traveling to Michigan at the end of this month to visit a friend, and I’m super-excited to really introduce my son to the great outdoors.  And of course, I’m bringing my camera with because it is just gorgeous up there!

Hope that lived up to the challenge.  I look forward to reading some of the other Rockstar blogs!

Well, I’m off of work today.  I realized I haven’t written an actual blog in a while, so I thought I’d do a quick one while I wait to call Ireland.  I didn’t sleep real well last night, the little guy kept waking up and then my boss texted me at 7am, nice of him when he knows I worked a 16 hour day yesterday (that was sarcasm by the way).  Anyway, I woke up feeling okay, fed myself and the dude, and then we got dressed and walked to the forest preserve.  It’s not far, and I thought he would like to run in the field there.  We followed some dirt paths where we could, but some were too muddy from all the rain the past few days.  Then we just walked through the field and Logan (my son) picked flowers and chased birds and squirrels and such.  We were both wet and muddy when we got done, but it was fun.  I ended up carrying him about half way home because he was tired, and that’s no small feat with a 36 pound toddler!  We came home and played some more, then ate lunch.  He’s watching Sesame Street right now (it keeps him busy while I’m talking to my sis in Ireland), and after my phone call he’ll get a nap.  Then I plan on doing some cleaning and some sort of workout.  After that, who knows?  Well, it’s time for my call.  Hope you’re all having a good day. 

I just thought I would cheer for myself since I did a good job following my new “rules” yesterday.  I drank my eight glasses of water, didn’t eat after 9pm, didn’t go crazy with snacks, excersized, didn’t drink any pop or eat any fast food.  My legs and butt actually hurt today after working out, and I even modified some of the moves because I couldn’t do exactly what the people on the video were doing!  I also realized that I really add on A LOT of calories late at night.  It was kind of hard not to eat late, especially since I was really mad at my husband, but knowing that I would have to come on here and tell everyone that I messed up really kept me from doing it.  Anyway, I feel good about what I did.  Now I have to get ready for my in-laws Grandparent’s Day visit tomorrow.

After I got done with the pity party that was my last post, I actually got off my butt and did something.  I pulled out my makeshift exercise mat, pulled out the workout I tore out of a magazine, and actually did the whole thing.  I even did the one excercise I wasn’t able to do before!  Then I decided to try one of the workouts OnDemand, and though I didn’t make it all the way through, I did give it a try.  I was actually afraid that I would hurt myself because I don’t think I had correct form, but I do think it will be a butt-kicker when I’m a bit stronger.  I ended up doing a half hour of excersize (which I can feel, by the way!).  I know it’s not much, but it’s way better than none!  It made me feel a lot better, just doing something.

I think it may have gotten my brain juices flowing, too.  I did some thinking while I was in the shower, and I decided that I need to set some ground rules for myself so that I develop new habits instead of falling back into the old ones.  Oh yeah, and I’m going public with it.

Here are my rules:

1)  Drink eight glasses of water a day

2) Do some sort of physical activity every day, outside of regular work or lifestyle activity.  Even if it’s just a 10 minute walk, I have to do some sort of excersize.

3) One 12 oz can of pop a week (the week will be Wednesday to Tuesday, since I weigh in on Wednesdays).

4) No eating after 9pm.  I know that’s still pretty late, but I usually eat a lot later than that, so I’ll take baby steps for now.

5)  No more fast food!  Even pizza!  (I’m cringing as I write that!)

6) Watch the snacks.  No king size candy bars or two at a time.  No more pints of ice cream or bags of cookies.  And if the husband brings it home and I don’t want it, I will toss it instead of eating it.  Throw away enough packages of cookies and he will learn!

I’m going to start out with that, and work my way up from there.  I know it’s sad, but I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to stick to these rules.  Like I said, I’m just taking baby steps for now, but eventually those baby steps will add up to leaps and bounds from where I am now.   I don’t know if anyone out there is interested, but I think it would be helpful if I had an accountabili-buddy, someone to check in and see how I’m doing everyday.  I know I could just post it, but I think I would do better if I actually had a specific person to answer to, rather than just a random post that might just get skipped over.

Anyway, there it is, no way to take it back now.  No more slacking, no more self-pity, no more excuses.  Time to get to work.